I miss my brother

It has been awhile since i have posted anything but my life has been crazy. My brother is currently in jail and I went to see him yesterday and I miss him like crazy. He has always been one of the people that I could run to when i needed someone to talk to ( and boy have i needed that) but now I cant. I prayed for years that he woud get the help that he needed to come clean but it never happened. I started doubting God and would ask him why would he not help him but then he got arrested, not for drugs, and now he is clean. I guess God doesnt always do things the way that we think he should. I try to imagine my life without my brother for the next year with him being in jail and it makes me want to cry. I took Mason to see him and Mason cried and kept hitting the glass cause he wanted to grab his finger. It was sad. Everytime I walk out of that place i feel worse then when i went in. I hate leaving him there but I guess he chose it. I just wish my life would go back to normal.