A wide awakening

So I was sitting in class yesterday and we were having a debate about abortion and I am very much pro life but these two women were going back and forth and were starting to get hurtful. One lady was pro choice and one lady was pro life. The lady who was pro choice was posing the question on what to do in the situation of a woman being rapped or in the situation of death to the mother or child. The lady who was pro life would not see her side of it at all and was being very hurtful calling the lady a killer and all kinds of thing. Thinking that I could help with the situation I said "Well I can see both of your points of view and I think that all these things should be taken into consideration when determining whether or not abortion should be legal or illegal." Simple right? Well the lady who is pro life turned around and looked at me and said "All you atheists stick together." I was floored. This woman had no idea who I was or my background. I looked at her and informed her that I was in fact a Christian and she replied," well I couldnt tell by your words." I have been called a lot of names and none of them really has bother me that much but being called an atheist made me mad. If she is a Christian then who is she to judge me or this other lady? This why Christians have such bad names. Some of the meanest people I have met in my life have claimed to be a Christian and in the same sense some of the nicest and most caring people have been a self proclaimed atheist. All this just seems a little backwards to me.

A Bad Day

Today has been one of those days where you just want to go in a dark room and sleep until it is over. I have tried to start living to where I dont let a bad day bring me down because you never no when you go to sleep at night if that will be the last day of your life. But sometimes it is so damn hard. So many things have been going on inside of my head lately. I am sure you have all met one of those women who think that they can do everything. They think that they can be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect employee, and keep the perfect house and cook the perfect dinners well I am one of them. It is so exhausting trying to make everything perfect all the time and more times than not nobody even notices it so then you feel like it is just all a waste. It is so embarrassing to share this with people because everyone in my family thinks that if things are left unsaid then they will disappear. I dont have that one girlfriend who I can run and talk to about everything becuase I dont have any friends who are at the same point in their life that I am at in mine. I chose to get married and start a family over going off to school and partying all the time and I couldnt be happier with my decision but I just feel like a need a break sometimes. Then I realize that you cant take a break from life. I should be enjoying every minute I have with my little man but sometimes I notice that the only thing that I can think of is how am I going to lose the weight that I gained during my pregnanct or how am I going to get all the laundry done or the dishes need done and I have a paper to write for school. It is getting to the point to where if I am doing something for me then I feel guilty. I would love to no what a life without stress would be like.

Somewhere else

I have been thinking about what my next post was going to be and then KC wrote about her new location and it made me realize how bad that I want to move away. Once I am out of nursing school in less than 2 years I want Wayne, Mason, and I to move far away from here. It isnt going to happen but it doesnt hurt to dream  I guess. A lot of people ask me why I want to be so far away from family and well my answer is simple, sometimes family hurts you worse than anyone else. I love my family and I love waynes family and it actually would be harder for me to move away from his family than my own. I can count on one hand the number of family members of mine that I wouldnt want to leave. I think moving out of this town would do us such good. I could then raise my child the way that I want to and not the way that EVERYBODY tells me to. As long as we have each other there really isnt anyone else that we need.

I just want a fresh start and I want it to be far enough away to where people cant drive there in an hour. I dont need to be on a beach in Florida I would be ok on a mountain in Colorado. I want to be far enough away that I dont get pulled into the drama of my mother. Other than seeing my little brother I dont like going over there anyways but right now I live so close that I feel obligated to drive the hour to Connersville to see her. Is that bad? I mean who feels obligated to go see their mothter but honestly doesnt want to go?

Maybe one of these days we will move away, all I can do is keep my fingers crossed. Wayne is my best friend and if I have him and Mason I think we will be fine.

"When it hurts to look back, and your scared to look ahead, you can look beside you, and your best friend will be there."